Slow Down… No One Arrives Late (or “People on the Underground”)

Slow Down… No One Arrives Late (or “People on the Underground”)

I'll never get it.

Why are people on the London Underground

In such a rush to cram into

A hot, smelly train?

Trying to

Zone out in the baking bowels of Zone 1

Camping out next to a homeless

Man’s visibly hairy pits.

Is 3 minutes too long to spend

Waiting for the next train

Not being agitated and not being

In a hurry to arrive at death?  

That's where we're going after

All (your chances of getting there earlier

Increase while you ride on

The Underground)

Maybe I do get it.

Maybe they're excited about dying. Maybe they can’t

Wait to hop on and dream about the sweet

Release…

No more meetings you have to arrive at on time

No more dead-

Lines for writing that report

No more dinner dates you can’t afford

To be late to

No more Tinder dates you’re dying

To impress with punctuality and a casual lack of interest

No more TV catch-ups to numb

The pain (because there’s no pain to numb)

No more getting to Asda before it shuts

(Unless you end up in hell ­–

Because God didn’t give Asda planning permission 

But Satan did)

No need to keep up with all that 

eatingmeetingsextingbreathing mess being dead inside

Is hard – being dead is easy

I guess that’s why people on the Underground want it so

Bad that petite women turn into Viking pillagers and gentlemen

Turn into silverback gorillas

But everyone gets their turn

At death – it's not like we're gonna run

out (of time,

maybe. But not out of death)

Maybe if people on the Underground were to chill out a bit, they’d find life

Becomes so sweet that there’s no hurry for that sweet

Release…